First Round

Gazza into third day of chemo..Not as bad as last time so far. The doxorubicin seems to have been the culprit for more extreme side effects last time and hes not having it.
Seems to be less nausea and more sleepy. Although in saying that gaz feels pretty yuck. I am pleased he's sleeping through it. He is more knowledgable about his drugs..anti nausea etc and takes control himself which is good and asks for them.
Home tomorrow. Raining buckets of water here, I have the fire on early, hoping to bank it up and come home tonight to a warm house. Zach got some wood in and I am cleaning and organizing house after a chaotic few weeks. Time for a winter clean up and chuck out I think. Lots of accumulated clutter that does not add to required ambience.
Kat

Hot Chocolate at The Governors with Kids

Good Week: Bad Week

What started out as a routine monitoring scan with my sarcoma and dealing with pain from a perceived muscle spasm issue has resulted in a few days in hospital and a whole lot of new information, mostly bad.

The mid to long term outlook of my sarcoma has always been been poor but the speed of progression and biology indicated that it was slow moving and this was very good, e.g. the single and only tumour in my lung they cut out in November was just .5 cm (after maybe 3 years growth); with slow growth they have lots of treatment options. When tumour pops up they just spot radiate/laser or surgically remove. Many people last 20 years with this approach. When you get metastasis spread (secondary cancer) of synovial sarcoma it seems difficult to cure but they are very good at delaying any spread.

Arrows identifying some of the Mets, round cricket ball
likely cause of pain issue

Bottom line; I now have multiple new tumours in and around both lungs, one very large 5 cm in right lung (See Pic) which is causing the pain issue and is also starting to impact breathing. The main issue is its aggressive nature and speed that this is developing and the limited options for treatment.

 
They've ruled out surgery and I am in palliative care; the aggressive nature of the tumours has opened one door on a chemo (Ifos) regime which is good at attacking fast growing tumours; I'm expecting to start this treatment next week. There is an outside chance of cure, but most likely this will just buy us some time. 

Heathier lung - Dec 2012

The medical team have done a great job settling things down and getting me on a new pain regime. Its still uncomfortable and I'm am very limited on what I can do physically, but its manageable and I'm enjoying life.  They believe the pain is being caused by the large tumour pushing the lung lining against the rib wall and catching nerves which are on the inside of the ribs. I do believe in miracles and if I'm due one I'm hoping it will come soon. 

But I have things to do and the fat lady hasn't started warming up her singing voice yet.
- Family holiday, assuming treatment goes well, beaches, heat, water and piña coladas sounds like a good idea, or maybe a holiday or two in a central otago or otematata crib.
- Family wedding, Nephew Tom and Jen are "going to get married ", thats going to be so much fun
- Few old mates incoming for property makeover (& a few beers and tunes)
- and finally my favourite thing; just time with Kat, the kids, whanau and friends.

How am I feeling?  Its a bit surreal, we've grieved and been sad at many times during this cancer journey. We knew the odds weren't great but certainly didn't think that it would accelerate like this.  I want to be in the best possible state (mind, body & soul) to again fight and overcome if possible. My Christian faith is providing me with a strong base and comfort as we face the next few months. Please add me and our family to your prayers. 

Life is such a wondrous and precious thing.

Gary

GARY from KATANDADLS Blog reposted for Gaz x

Ok so I havnt blogged in a while and the reasons are..I have started my new job and feel a little time poor, although the hours the great and the job is good and the staff are supportive.

I catch up on everything else on my days off and even thou they are plentiful they are never enough..how does that work?

I have been distracted lately waiting for Gary's scan to happen.The week before its almost impossible to concentrate on anything and we just circle around things. Furniture, the dog who seems to always be close to our feet, each other and big highlighted circles appear around around thoughts and words that seem so clumsy and inadequate.

This time it was harder, as it was the sort of scan that defines what happens next.

In between scans when news is good we live in a bubble. An enclosed space of protection.

This weeks news changed all that.

Gary has metastases throughout both lungs and of the size that they are impacting his functioning and breathing and he is in significant pain. The news from the scan came the same day Gary was experiencing pain. His back and abdomen went into spasm to protect his lungs as his body was reading signals that this needed to happen.

He has been into hospital and the pain is sorting itself with some new drugs. He is currently working at home and we have been cuddling and playing lots of scrabble.

I can write this now as I feel calm. People are praying for us. I know this because you can feel when the prayer kicks in..it is the most amazing feeling. I think it is a bit like Gary's horse tranquilizer he was given when he first went into hospital. Gary and I decided that prayer anesthetizes our heart pain. The whole world needs more of it.

We are both looking forward to chemo which seems a contradiction in terms but it is an extended life life for Gaz. It will shrink the tumours and give him quality of life back. Gary really is an amazing person to be with. He is funny kind supportive, did I say kind. His spirit is such a shiny button.

When I was small, my nana used to give me the button tin to sort through and count I always went for the shiny ones and made treasure piles imagining how I might use them. She taught me to sew and I made soft toys with button eyes.

When Hana left home I was so sad, I went to the salvation Army shop in Mosgiel and sorted buttons on the beds at the back for about an hour..it made me feel alot better.

I feel better when I am near Gaz than away.

xx

Oasis of Good Health : Oasis of Ignorance

Scan time again and I am due to get the results back of a scan last week. This is the first scan for 6 months and since my last surgery. We are a bit more anxious than normal.

We've had a wonderfully late Summer and Autumn; nothing much of note, just enjoying living life and plenty of family time and good and interesting work balance.

Kat has resumed working in Mental health as a registered nurse and I am very proud of her. She seems to be working with some nice people and doing well.

I am a little behind in keeping my blog up to date and about to rekindle communication.

Back soon...
Gary

Dog walk in Otematata

Autumn Fires

At present we've been experiencing some pretty amazing autumn days in Southern New Zealand; with cold crisp mornings and stunning blue hot "its too good for work" sunny afternoons. We've had the odd fire at night in our old fashioned open fire which most often these days you only experience on movies. We especially like the first Autumn fires when early season storms come through. In front of it is a favourite spot for our cat, dog and teenage son Zach who compete for the best position and them flop around on their backs making blissful noises.

We've had some woodwork angels turn up last weekend and they chopped down a tree on our property plus spilt wood and made a big stack of firewood for winter. We've had a lot of woodwork angels in our life over the last couple of years making a positive difference. Often the primary reason its a great opportunity for getting together and mate-ship.

Life is going along very smoothly for us at present; it's very normal and we love normal. We've had too much drama in our household in the last two years which impacts everyone not just the patient. We're hoping to have a clear run in 2012 with no further significant medical procedures. I was meant to have a routine monitoring scan in March but no invite has been sent and I'm not in a hurry to chase them.

Kat has returned to psychiatric nursing and is doing great and I'm very proud of her. She is enjoying it and making a positive impact on people's lives who struggle with mental illness and all that that brings. It saturday morning here and she is just off to the market to get provisions for the week; I'm kicking back having a nice breakfast and about to watch sport on TV. Life is good.

:-) Gary

Staring at the Sun: Overcoming the dread of Death

I have just finished reading this book written by Irvin Yalom and found it very good and if the topic is of interest or you have these fears I recommend that you read it.
"Ideas have power ... insights of great thinkers and writers .. help us quell roiling thoughts on death and discover meaningful paths through life." - page 77.
"Staring at the Sun is a profoundly encouraging approach to the universal issue of mortality. Dr. Yalom helps us recognize that the fear of death is at the heart of much of our anxiety. Once we confront our own mortality we are inspired to rearrange our priorities, communicate more deeply with those we love, appreciate more keenly the beauty of life, and increase our willingness to take the risks necessary for personal fulfilment"
Here is a very good book review of Staring at the Sun... thethinkingmother.blogspot.co.nz
Or buy the book here.. Amazon

About the title: "le soleil ni la mort ne peuvent se regarder en face" (You cannot stare straight into the sun, or death) Francois de La Rochefoucauld, Maxim26

10 Ways to Help a Friend With Cancer

I came across this blog and they make some amazing observations on cancer and life. It is well written and worth reading.

If it takes a village to raise a child, you might say it also takes one to care for the sick. Cancer is at once personal and communal. Disease lives in the sufferer’s body but the experience of illness is shared, often intimately, by our loved ones. And yet, caring for the sick can feel like writing a travelogue about a country you’ve never visited. You can’t know where you haven’t been.

“What can I do to help??..Click to read more”...