Thursday, January 31, 2013


This is my darling daughter Arihana and our eldest child. She is currently going through a hippie period, growing dredlocks and wearing all sorts of interesting clothes that mostly work together. She was the one that we had the 21st party for and the photo below was taken on Christmas day when she gave us a demonstration of the fire hoola-hoop. Being a parent you get pretty apprehensive watching flame so close to her hair and skin. You want to be protective for your children, guide then from dangers and support them in making good decisions.
You also want to see how their lives works out, will she get married? Who to? Children? Etc etc.
And of course be part of these key events e.g. Hugging my mokopuna! Unfortunately I'm not going to experience these and this has taken awhile to overcome.

What I do know is that she and our other children, have had a good start in life, and they know that they have been very loved and cared for by their parents. I'm sure I could have been a better Dad and prioritizing more quality time is probably my biggest fault, although I hadn't expected to be checking out so soon and I'm sure this would have corrected itself over time.

Going forward I have confidence that Arihana, and the other kids, will make good decisions (and bad ones from which they will learn from). They will ultimately just do what they want to do but they will have Kat and other good peoples around them for support.

I just need to get over myself and my wants and realize that I have done my bit. I believe that part of me lives/ ripples on within Kat, my kids and actually all my Whanau and friends. E.g. When Kat is hugging a future mokopuna (grand baby) that I am within her also enjoying the experience.

I have physically stabilize a lot in the last couple of weeks, back when at times I was very unwell due to rapidly changing pain and drug situation. I was talking a lot of rubbish and acting at times irregularly. During this time Arihana sat and held my hand and calmed me for long hours and her calming spirit manage to settle me down and get me through this tough period . Thanks Ari and your calming hands xx Dad


  1. Arihana is beautiful because she has two beautiful parents particularly below the surface. It is so hard to watch you Gary from a distance and I love that you can still share your feelings with us all, but it brings me to tears sometimes. I know that you give me strength to face stuff, so I thank you for that, all I can say man is Kia Kaha and please know that we all love you xxxooo, Elizabeth.


Thanks for your comments Gaz