Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Calm after the Storm

When your prognosis takes an unexpected and detrimental swerve off a perceived existing course it takes awhile for you to take stock and collect yourself. Many things swirl around in your storm cup (mental, medical and practical) and there is urgency in resolving or at least prioritising the issues. For me the issues were many many and included;
  • What are these new pain issues; I am experienced with pain; but this is new, uncomfortable and debilitating; Is it going to get worse?
  • I can no longer work; I like business, my customers, colleagues, business networks etc; I am not ready to leave my profession yet but I must and now.
  • Getting the out of control medical situation in control; dealing with the resulting and horrid side effects. Restarting or facing new procedures is always difficult and I don't like it.
  • They've started using the words 'palliative' care and that I'm now allocated to the 'hospice' support team. I understand why and I really like the people and care that I'm being given but I don't like these words and the implications. My hospital team, whom I respect, have made a decision on likelihood on curable outcome. There is always hope but I also want to be prepared.
  • How will I talk to my children about all this? 
  • What are our priorities for living now, mid term, how much time?
  • Whom are my support team I need around me; who are the fun team?
  • What will I have for lunch, food is very high on my priority list at present thanks to some medication.
I have not separated Kat from my storm list, we are so interconnected; although our issues are different, "You are going ... But I am staying" and we've been processing this all together which has been extremely helpful.

Even Dolly Parton threw in some random and helpful input during the week:

We've ended up in a pretty calm and good place. Lots of talking and gaining acceptance of current situation; making plans for doing some fun stuff; plans for getting some practical things sorted; plans for getting through next chemo better and more smoothly, no time for waste; lots of time for reading and learning and becoming stronger in faith. Lots of time allocated for nice people and hugs.


  1. Hang in there champ.

    I remember when I went crazy and i asked u for time off. U said sure. No questions asked.

    Thanks for that.

  2. You were always a champ and worth helping; I didn't realized that you would become a globe trotting humanitarian super hero. Go you! I thought you would still have your head buried in code and algorithms. G

  3. Waiting for the silver lining to appear on this cloud. Positive energies and thoughts from this end for you and family.......

  4. I like Dr Parton's prognosis ... stay with her Gaz!

  5. If you are looking for a getaway... our family has a house built out on our highcountry farm with 360degree views of the hills and the Pomahaka River winding around the foot of it. Gas heating, SKY, generated power, fresh water from a spring.. and no cellphone coverage. You can drive right up to the front door.

    Will sleep 12... and all yours for you and your family if you want a break away at any stage.

    Stay strong.My thoughts and prayers are with you all.

    Anna (Goanna)

  6. Thanks Anna that sounds very pleasant and such a beautiful part of the country, we will be in touch. Gary

  7. Gary your strength and spirit is an inspiration to me as i rally with my family to support my nephew in his journey following a brain injury. You now share my prayers with a beautiful young man called Jed(Jed-I)Davis.


Thanks for your comments Gaz